Restoring a Friend
August 27, 2017 | Dave Hoffman
I’m going start off by simply asking a question (holding up a Bible): What is this book to you? And, only you can answer that question. I mean obviously it is the Holy Bible. What does it mean to you in your life? As a church, we believe it is the only rule for life and practicing life, living life because it’s God’s Word. We believe it’s inerrant as originally given as God inspired prophets and His apostles to write these things down. They were Holy Spirit inspired. Now if you believe that, it’s incumbent on you to try to do your best to do what it says. Joshua said that if you follow God’s Word, meditate on it and try to do your best to follow it, you will have success and you will prosper.
Now I don’t think it’s news to a lot of you that in our culture there are many people that do not like us. They hate the church. And at every opportunity they are going to attack us. As bad as that is, I don’t believe, I know, that there is a greater threat to the church of Jesus Christ and that’s from within. And the threat from within has to do with sin; not talking about sin, not making sure everybody in the church understands why Jesus died—what that means for their life. That that death, and we’re going to see in a minute, covers a multitude of sins, all sin. The threat in the church is to overlook sin, ignore sin, and just want to tell everybody that everything’s fine. I’m going to give you an example – “Everything’s wonderful, Jesus loves you, don’t worry about it, Jesus loves you” and always talking about that, and that’s true, but never wanting to admit that we’re all sinners.
1 John, the Apostle John said, “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves”, in the present tense, “we have no sin, we deceive ourselves… the truth of God is not in us.” Jeremiah 17:9. And, every time I quote this verse somebody comes up to me. They came up to me last night and tried to tell me they are holy and righteous, they have a new heart and I just went, “You know what? Are you telling me you never sin?” They kind of looked at me. “The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick” (Jeremiah 17:9). That’s God’s Word. Proverbs says, “The one who trusts in his heart is a fool.” I didn’t say it. God said it. As Christians, this is what we trust (holding up Bible). And in trusting this if it means that we have to go against what our heart is screaming at us to do, we do this (pointing at the Bible). And the Bible says that if you do that, if you believe Me and not your heart, if you follow Me and not your heart, ultimately, you’ll never be disappointed (Romans 10:11).
We’re going to talk about sin today. Yay, yippee! Everybody’s going, “oh yeah”. I have not given a message like this in five years. Why? What pastor wants to? I mean, if you like to talk about sin I think maybe you should retire. You shouldn’t be a pastor. But at the same time, it brings blessings. What I’m going to talk about this morning will bring blessings into people’s lives and blessings into the church. We have got to talk about it.
Boy, America is filled with people who think they’re something when they’re nothing. Ok, so if we really care about our Christian friends, we’re not going to ignore when they make a decision to turn and do something that’s obviously against God’s will.
The scripture tells us that love does not ignore sin. Jesus did not ignore sin. It was a problem and He dealt with it. Praise God! Love doesn’t ignore sin, excuse sin. Real love recognizes that turning away from God is serious and it has consequences for that friend that we care about. The most serious being that it causes separation between them and God. You know, the logical question is - what kind of sin are you talking about? I mean, I know who I am and I certainly wouldn’t want a “sin police” walking around my life everyday confronting me about little things. The Holy Spirit does a good job at that. And, I’m married, too <laughter>. So, what kind of sins are we talking about? We’re talking about sins that Romans 6 says gains mastery over us. Sins that by their very nature cause us to turn away from God, make excuses, compromise. And 1 John talks about when you do that you are practicing disobedience.
Notice he’s talking to Christians. We’re talking about sins that are in direct rebellion against God, that pull us away from God. That to continue doing them you have to rationalize and compromise the Word of God. Now at this point, I hope you are feeling a little uncomfortable. Again, I worry about the Christian who says, “Yippee! I get to go confront people with their sin.” I’m a little worried about that, if that’s you right now. Because who am I or who are you to go to somebody and do that? Because we’re all sinners. I understand that better than you know. But the New Testament is very clear. We have moral responsibilities to one another. We have a responsibility to care enough for that brother or sister who has made a decision to turn and walk the other way, blatantly disobey God. We have a responsibility, if we really love them, to come up to them in humility and gentleness and say, “What are you doing?” The New Testament is clear. We have responsibilities to one another. There’s a ton of scriptures in the New Testament that we call the “one another scriptures”; care for one another, take one another’s burdens, love one another. About a quarter of them, a third of them. Here they are, real fast.
John 13:34-35, 15:12, 17, Romans 12:10, 13:8, 14:9, 15:14, 1 Corinthians 12:25, Ephesians 4:2, 32, Colossians 3:13, 16, 1 Thessalonians 4:9, 5:11, Hebrews 3:13, James 5:16, 1 Peter 1:22, 4:8, 10, 1 John 3:11
We’re not going to read any of them. You can look at them later. You can go on the app. You can go on Google and type in “one another” and you’ll get all kinds of stuff. But, there’s tons of them (that’s only about a fourth of them) in the Bible. The New Testament is clear – you and I have responsibility. When you became a Christian… we are a church family, we have a responsibility for one another. And of course, you don’t have responsibility for everyone in this room because you don’t know everybody. But, if you’re friends with someone and they are in need of help or you can help them in any way, you are to help them carry their burden. And in this case, love them enough to tell them the truth. And remember the focus is not on the sin, the focus is on restoration. The word in the Greek means to help restore back to the right path. I told you that earlier. That’s the focus, not the sin. A lot of people like to restore things. I’ve never understood that because it’s usually a lot of work. Restore furniture. I hate to sand – I hate to sand! My father built so many things. He was a pastor but he loved woodwork. And I would help him and I always was sanding. And he would always say, “This is the hardest part, but sanding is what makes it.” My wife is now in the process of restoring an old dollhouse. Bless you, Mary <laughter>. I’ll get something at the store if you need it. She knows that. I’ll hand you the sandpaper. I’ve gone and got stuff. But I really don’t want to do that. Jesus is passionate about restoring people.
Obviously, Jesus tells this parable to let you and I know that that wandering Christian, that Christian that has made a blatant decision to turn from God and do something against His will, God is interested in that person. He’s grieved over that person’s decision. He’s grieved over the separation that sin has caused between Him and your friend. And God has given you and I the unique privilege of being His representative and trying to restore that friend back to a right relationship with God. James 5:19-20 says this…
Paul says that Jesus has given you and I the ministry of reconciliation, the cross. And there’s two aspects to that. Obviously, salvation - reconciling God to man. I mean, we’re talking about evangelism. But also, God has given us a responsibility to care enough for one another that when one of us begins to stray, we go back with humility and the cross. Praying and lovingly helping them to restore their relationship with God.
A few years ago, a man got into the Rijks Museum in Amsterdam, Netherlands and walked up to a Rembrandt, pulled out a razor out of his pocket and started hacking away at the Rembrandt. And before a guard could get to him, he really had done some serious damage. A copycat a few days later brought a hammer into the St. Peters Cathedral in Rome, walked up to a Michael Angelo sculpture and started banging away on it. What makes people?…I don’t know. And he did a lot of damage before the guards could stop him as well. Both cherished art pieces, treasures, irreplaceable. So, what did those who were in charge of these irreplaceable art pieces, what did they do? Did they say, “Oh, they’re damaged”, did they lift them up and thrown them in the dumpster? Of course not. Expense? There was no expense. They called the most proficient painters, restorers or sculptors they could find (price was not an object), and tried to restore those two treasures. God is concerned about every Christian who is slipping away from Him or who has made decisions to turn away from Him because it causes separation and once that separation starts, a slide happens and there’s more compromise and more compromise and the separation gets greater and greater. And some of you know exactly what I’m talking about because at one time in your life that’s what happened. And because you know that, that should motivate you when a friend of yours starts on that same slide to go to them and say, “Hey, here’s my testimony. Don’t do this.” Anyway, this restoration process basically has two aspects to it, which we’re going to go through fairly quickly. They’re obvious but we’re going to go through them.
Matthew 18:15, Jesus says that we’re to go and talk to that brother or sister in private, go and show him his fault in private.
Now here again, some of you are going to, right now…the Lord’s maybe bringing someone to your mind and you know you’re supposed to and you’re feeling uncomfortable – good. It’s a good thing. You need to be prayed up, you need to make sure that you (we’re going to talk about that in a minute) go to them in the right way. But listen, what motivates me is I think about so many Christians who could have been spared so much heartache and pain and loss if some Christian would have loved them enough to go and speak the truth into their life. I’m not talking about having a “sin patrol” here at the church. We don’t need that. That’s the Holy Spirit’s job. Paul says that when you become aware of a friend that has made a decision to turn away from God and go the other way, you need to talk to them before that decision becomes entrenched in their life, until they start the slide down.
In 1 Corinthians 5, Paul warns the Corinthian church that if they did not confront the obvious sin in their midst, which was a man living with his father’s wife. Now that’s something, huh? A man living with his father’s wife. And they were just kind of overlooking it like so much of the church does. “We just want to love them, we want to love them.” Well, ok. Real love speaks the truth. Real love looks at that situation and says, “There’s consequences for this and they’re not good”. Do things God’s way, be blessed. When a church starts ignoring sin it leads to more tolerance of sin but real love cares enough to say something.
Imagine you go to your doctor for a check-up. I’m blessed to have not only a doctor but I consider him a good friend. So, I go to my good friend, Brian, and I have a check-up. Let’s not use me, let’s use you. You go to your doctor and you have a check-up and the doctor comes back to see you and says, “Good news! You are a magnificent, physical specimen. Everything is great. Have a good day.” You go home, you walk up the stairs and you get to the top of the stairs and you have a heart attack. They rush you to the hospital. They do a bunch of tests on you and it turns out a bunch of your arteries are clogged. You’ve got high blood pressure off the charts and your cholesterol is beyond measuring, it’s so high. Your doctor comes in to see you, “Hi”. And you say to him or her, “Did you know all this?” “Oh, sure I knew.” “Why didn’t you say something?” “Well, you know if I told people bad news like that no one would want to come to the doctor’s office. I have a practice and I need people to come. I want my doctor’s office to be a fun place, a safe place, a nurturing place. A place where people feel loved and accepted.” I’m going to tell you if your doctor told you that, you would be angry. If the church really wants to be a place of healing, we have to start with the truth. We have to speak the truth. We have to love and care enough for our brothers and sisters to speak the truth to them.
Now Paul says one more thing. He says when you go to your brother and sister to really challenge their decision (that’s what you’re doing), he says you got to make sure you do it with the right attitude. Paul says be gentle, be humble, knowing that you’re no better than anybody else. I would always like to ask myself the question: If I was this person, how would I want me to come to them? It’s a good question to ask. You’ve got to remember all of us have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). Given the right set of circumstances, how would we act? You don’t know until it happens. You know, I’ve had to confront my share of Christians for the last thirty years and a lot of people have said, “Uh, this person, can you go talk to them?” I said, “No. The Bible says you are this person’s friend, you are the one who caught them. This is what the Bible says. You’re supposed to go talk to them.” “Me? Oh my gosh.” And when they give me that attitude I like it. That’s the right attitude to have. Not “Oh, oh I’ll go tell the person! They’re only an inch from the flames of hell.” No, that is not what you do. Over the years this is what I found. If you go to people with the right attitude, they really get angry at you. This is not always the case for family members, just so you know. But when they’re a friend you go with the right attitude and they may be offended a little bit but you know, you walk away going “I did my best”.
So now let’s come to the second part of this; the second aspect. So, there is a confrontation. You said, “Yes. I’m going to go.” You go with the right attitude. You share your heart with them. You make sure they know you love them. The only reason you’re there is because you care about them. “How can I help? I just want you to restore the relationship with you and your Lord Jesus.” The second thing is their response.
2) Their Response
If your friend justifies their sin, rationalizes God’s Word, Jesus tells us in Matthew 18:16, that at that point you try to find another person who knows them and you take them with you. So, now there are two of you that are going to go and try to bring this person back. Now I got to tell you, more often than not, they won’t let you do that. I’m not going to stand here and say that it’s easy. Once they have heard what you have to say, a lot of times they are not willing to let you. But if they will, you’ve got another chance to win your brother or sister. Jesus also tells us in Matthew 18 if they continue to justify…you know, if you take someone with you and they continue to justify themselves or they don’t let you take another person, Jesus says you’re supposed to tell it to the church. Let’s read that.
Well, what does that mean? Does that mean we need to set up a microphone in here and every Sunday we have a “sin time” when you come in and talk about people’s sin? “Yes, I want to talk to John Smith and he has an improper relationship with Mary Sullivan down the street.” No! I mean, that can’t be right. That can’t be what Jesus is telling us here. Maybe if it’s a small group, I get it. But, we believe it means going to the leadership in the church. They represent us all. We’ve submitted ourselves to them. And so, you go to them and say, “Here’s the situation. It grieves me to have to tell you this but Jesus says I’m supposed to tell the church.” You tell it to them and you leave it with them. You don’t go to your home group, you don’t get on the telephone. And you don’t try to get as many people as possible praying for that sinning brother or sister; in Jesus name <laughter>. That’s just gossip. You go to the church leaders, you tell them the situation and then you commit yourself and that other person who went with you, together you agree in prayer. You’re not going to tell anybody else but you’re going to pray that something happens.
There is a second response. You go to your friend and you challenge them and they admit, “Yes. I’m doing wrong. Yes, I know it’s pulling me away from God. But I don’t know how not to do it. I just don’t know how to it. God knows my heart.” You’ll hear that, believe me. “God knows my heart. I just don’t know what to do. I just can’t help myself.” Whatever they say to you. You pray with them and then you leave and you got to try to take somebody back with you and if they let you come with another person you got another chance. And they say the same thing again. They’re not really trying to justify what they’re doing, they’re just saying, “I know what the Bible says, but…” Basically, “I’m still going to keep doing what I’ve been doing”. There again you have to tell it to the church.
Now the third response, (of course that’s what we all hope we get) is the person admits their sin, recognizes their sin, falls on their knees at the cross and asks Jesus to forgive them. Hallelujah! But caring for one another doesn’t mean you just wash your hands of them. You now have a responsibility. That Christian friend has repented of their sin and now it’s your job to come alongside of them and help them walk through that. Paul encourages us to come alongside them because with most people, there’s going to be some consequences to face. Maybe they’ve got to break a relationship off, maybe they have to…I don’t know. But they need a friend, a Christian sister or brother, to come alongside of them and walk with them. I hope you have friends like that. I hope you have a friend, a man or a woman, who loves you enough that can speak the truth into your life. Paul says that when we care about someone enough to speak the truth in love to them, we fulfill the law of Christ. What is that, the law of Christ? Love one another.
He says, “This is how the world will know… that we really love one another.” If you have enough love for someone that you will even risk the relationship by speaking the truth, that’s love. Real love speaks the truth. I want you say that with me, “Real love speaks the truth.” And it stands with the friend who has repented.
Jesus is interested in restoring people. And Paul says he has given us the ministry of reconciliation. We’re to take the truth of this cross with us, wherever we go, each and every day. Paul says we are ambassadors of the cross. We are ambassadors of this reconciliation. First, to a hurting and dying world that Jesus is the answer, the way, the truth, the life. But secondly, to that brother or sister who has made some unwise decision and has decided to go their own way. They are sheep that have wandered away. Jesus gave us a parable. He is really concerned about that one who has wandered away.
Now I don’t think it’s news to a lot of you that in our culture there are many people that do not like us. They hate the church. And at every opportunity they are going to attack us. As bad as that is, I don’t believe, I know, that there is a greater threat to the church of Jesus Christ and that’s from within. And the threat from within has to do with sin; not talking about sin, not making sure everybody in the church understands why Jesus died—what that means for their life. That that death, and we’re going to see in a minute, covers a multitude of sins, all sin. The threat in the church is to overlook sin, ignore sin, and just want to tell everybody that everything’s fine. I’m going to give you an example – “Everything’s wonderful, Jesus loves you, don’t worry about it, Jesus loves you” and always talking about that, and that’s true, but never wanting to admit that we’re all sinners.
1 John, the Apostle John said, “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves”, in the present tense, “we have no sin, we deceive ourselves… the truth of God is not in us.” Jeremiah 17:9. And, every time I quote this verse somebody comes up to me. They came up to me last night and tried to tell me they are holy and righteous, they have a new heart and I just went, “You know what? Are you telling me you never sin?” They kind of looked at me. “The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick” (Jeremiah 17:9). That’s God’s Word. Proverbs says, “The one who trusts in his heart is a fool.” I didn’t say it. God said it. As Christians, this is what we trust (holding up Bible). And in trusting this if it means that we have to go against what our heart is screaming at us to do, we do this (pointing at the Bible). And the Bible says that if you do that, if you believe Me and not your heart, if you follow Me and not your heart, ultimately, you’ll never be disappointed (Romans 10:11).
We’re going to talk about sin today. Yay, yippee! Everybody’s going, “oh yeah”. I have not given a message like this in five years. Why? What pastor wants to? I mean, if you like to talk about sin I think maybe you should retire. You shouldn’t be a pastor. But at the same time, it brings blessings. What I’m going to talk about this morning will bring blessings into people’s lives and blessings into the church. We have got to talk about it.
Brethren, (in some of your Bibles “Brothers and sisters”. Who is he talking to? Is he talking just to a select, few people, the leadership? No. Everyone in the Galatian church) even if anyone is caught in any trespass, (the word “caught” there means you are aware that somebody has turned their back on God, they’re in sin. They have decided to practice sin) you who are spiritual, (and that’s an interesting phrase, literally it means you who are in the realm of the spirit. Now who is that? You who are in the realm of the spirit. That is every Christian in here. If you’re born again, you are in the realm of the spirit. I want to emphasize, what we’re going to look at today is for every single Christian sitting in here this morning) restore (that word “restore” in the Greek means to help someone get back on the right path) such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens and therefore fulfill the law of Christ. (How do we fulfill the law of Christ? We’re going to talk about that. By bearing each other’s burdens) If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.
GALATIANS 6:1-3 (NASB)
Boy, America is filled with people who think they’re something when they’re nothing. Ok, so if we really care about our Christian friends, we’re not going to ignore when they make a decision to turn and do something that’s obviously against God’s will.
Better is open rebuke than love that is concealed.
PROVERBS 27:5 (NASB)
The scripture tells us that love does not ignore sin. Jesus did not ignore sin. It was a problem and He dealt with it. Praise God! Love doesn’t ignore sin, excuse sin. Real love recognizes that turning away from God is serious and it has consequences for that friend that we care about. The most serious being that it causes separation between them and God. You know, the logical question is - what kind of sin are you talking about? I mean, I know who I am and I certainly wouldn’t want a “sin police” walking around my life everyday confronting me about little things. The Holy Spirit does a good job at that. And, I’m married, too <laughter>. So, what kind of sins are we talking about? We’re talking about sins that Romans 6 says gains mastery over us. Sins that by their very nature cause us to turn away from God, make excuses, compromise. And 1 John talks about when you do that you are practicing disobedience.
See to it brothers and sisters that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God.
HEBREWS 3:12 (NASB)
Notice he’s talking to Christians. We’re talking about sins that are in direct rebellion against God, that pull us away from God. That to continue doing them you have to rationalize and compromise the Word of God. Now at this point, I hope you are feeling a little uncomfortable. Again, I worry about the Christian who says, “Yippee! I get to go confront people with their sin.” I’m a little worried about that, if that’s you right now. Because who am I or who are you to go to somebody and do that? Because we’re all sinners. I understand that better than you know. But the New Testament is very clear. We have moral responsibilities to one another. We have a responsibility to care enough for that brother or sister who has made a decision to turn and walk the other way, blatantly disobey God. We have a responsibility, if we really love them, to come up to them in humility and gentleness and say, “What are you doing?” The New Testament is clear. We have responsibilities to one another. There’s a ton of scriptures in the New Testament that we call the “one another scriptures”; care for one another, take one another’s burdens, love one another. About a quarter of them, a third of them. Here they are, real fast.
John 13:34-35, 15:12, 17, Romans 12:10, 13:8, 14:9, 15:14, 1 Corinthians 12:25, Ephesians 4:2, 32, Colossians 3:13, 16, 1 Thessalonians 4:9, 5:11, Hebrews 3:13, James 5:16, 1 Peter 1:22, 4:8, 10, 1 John 3:11
We’re not going to read any of them. You can look at them later. You can go on the app. You can go on Google and type in “one another” and you’ll get all kinds of stuff. But, there’s tons of them (that’s only about a fourth of them) in the Bible. The New Testament is clear – you and I have responsibility. When you became a Christian… we are a church family, we have a responsibility for one another. And of course, you don’t have responsibility for everyone in this room because you don’t know everybody. But, if you’re friends with someone and they are in need of help or you can help them in any way, you are to help them carry their burden. And in this case, love them enough to tell them the truth. And remember the focus is not on the sin, the focus is on restoration. The word in the Greek means to help restore back to the right path. I told you that earlier. That’s the focus, not the sin. A lot of people like to restore things. I’ve never understood that because it’s usually a lot of work. Restore furniture. I hate to sand – I hate to sand! My father built so many things. He was a pastor but he loved woodwork. And I would help him and I always was sanding. And he would always say, “This is the hardest part, but sanding is what makes it.” My wife is now in the process of restoring an old dollhouse. Bless you, Mary <laughter>. I’ll get something at the store if you need it. She knows that. I’ll hand you the sandpaper. I’ve gone and got stuff. But I really don’t want to do that. Jesus is passionate about restoring people.
What do you think? (this is Jesus) If any man has a hundred sheep and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go and search for the one that is straying? If it turns out that he finds it, truly I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine, which have not gone astray. So, it is not the will of God your Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish.
MATTHEW 18:12 (NASB)
Obviously, Jesus tells this parable to let you and I know that that wandering Christian, that Christian that has made a blatant decision to turn from God and do something against His will, God is interested in that person. He’s grieved over that person’s decision. He’s grieved over the separation that sin has caused between Him and your friend. And God has given you and I the unique privilege of being His representative and trying to restore that friend back to a right relationship with God. James 5:19-20 says this…
My brethren, if any among you strays from the truth and one turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.
JAMES 5:19-20 (NASB)
Paul says that Jesus has given you and I the ministry of reconciliation, the cross. And there’s two aspects to that. Obviously, salvation - reconciling God to man. I mean, we’re talking about evangelism. But also, God has given us a responsibility to care enough for one another that when one of us begins to stray, we go back with humility and the cross. Praying and lovingly helping them to restore their relationship with God.
A few years ago, a man got into the Rijks Museum in Amsterdam, Netherlands and walked up to a Rembrandt, pulled out a razor out of his pocket and started hacking away at the Rembrandt. And before a guard could get to him, he really had done some serious damage. A copycat a few days later brought a hammer into the St. Peters Cathedral in Rome, walked up to a Michael Angelo sculpture and started banging away on it. What makes people?…I don’t know. And he did a lot of damage before the guards could stop him as well. Both cherished art pieces, treasures, irreplaceable. So, what did those who were in charge of these irreplaceable art pieces, what did they do? Did they say, “Oh, they’re damaged”, did they lift them up and thrown them in the dumpster? Of course not. Expense? There was no expense. They called the most proficient painters, restorers or sculptors they could find (price was not an object), and tried to restore those two treasures. God is concerned about every Christian who is slipping away from Him or who has made decisions to turn away from Him because it causes separation and once that separation starts, a slide happens and there’s more compromise and more compromise and the separation gets greater and greater. And some of you know exactly what I’m talking about because at one time in your life that’s what happened. And because you know that, that should motivate you when a friend of yours starts on that same slide to go to them and say, “Hey, here’s my testimony. Don’t do this.” Anyway, this restoration process basically has two aspects to it, which we’re going to go through fairly quickly. They’re obvious but we’re going to go through them.
TWO ASPECTS OF RESTORATION
1) The Confrontation
Matthew 18:15, Jesus says that we’re to go and talk to that brother or sister in private, go and show him his fault in private.
If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.
MATTHEW 18:15 (NASB)
Now here again, some of you are going to, right now…the Lord’s maybe bringing someone to your mind and you know you’re supposed to and you’re feeling uncomfortable – good. It’s a good thing. You need to be prayed up, you need to make sure that you (we’re going to talk about that in a minute) go to them in the right way. But listen, what motivates me is I think about so many Christians who could have been spared so much heartache and pain and loss if some Christian would have loved them enough to go and speak the truth into their life. I’m not talking about having a “sin patrol” here at the church. We don’t need that. That’s the Holy Spirit’s job. Paul says that when you become aware of a friend that has made a decision to turn away from God and go the other way, you need to talk to them before that decision becomes entrenched in their life, until they start the slide down.
In 1 Corinthians 5, Paul warns the Corinthian church that if they did not confront the obvious sin in their midst, which was a man living with his father’s wife. Now that’s something, huh? A man living with his father’s wife. And they were just kind of overlooking it like so much of the church does. “We just want to love them, we want to love them.” Well, ok. Real love speaks the truth. Real love looks at that situation and says, “There’s consequences for this and they’re not good”. Do things God’s way, be blessed. When a church starts ignoring sin it leads to more tolerance of sin but real love cares enough to say something.
Imagine you go to your doctor for a check-up. I’m blessed to have not only a doctor but I consider him a good friend. So, I go to my good friend, Brian, and I have a check-up. Let’s not use me, let’s use you. You go to your doctor and you have a check-up and the doctor comes back to see you and says, “Good news! You are a magnificent, physical specimen. Everything is great. Have a good day.” You go home, you walk up the stairs and you get to the top of the stairs and you have a heart attack. They rush you to the hospital. They do a bunch of tests on you and it turns out a bunch of your arteries are clogged. You’ve got high blood pressure off the charts and your cholesterol is beyond measuring, it’s so high. Your doctor comes in to see you, “Hi”. And you say to him or her, “Did you know all this?” “Oh, sure I knew.” “Why didn’t you say something?” “Well, you know if I told people bad news like that no one would want to come to the doctor’s office. I have a practice and I need people to come. I want my doctor’s office to be a fun place, a safe place, a nurturing place. A place where people feel loved and accepted.” I’m going to tell you if your doctor told you that, you would be angry. If the church really wants to be a place of healing, we have to start with the truth. We have to speak the truth. We have to love and care enough for our brothers and sisters to speak the truth to them.
Now Paul says one more thing. He says when you go to your brother and sister to really challenge their decision (that’s what you’re doing), he says you got to make sure you do it with the right attitude. Paul says be gentle, be humble, knowing that you’re no better than anybody else. I would always like to ask myself the question: If I was this person, how would I want me to come to them? It’s a good question to ask. You’ve got to remember all of us have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). Given the right set of circumstances, how would we act? You don’t know until it happens. You know, I’ve had to confront my share of Christians for the last thirty years and a lot of people have said, “Uh, this person, can you go talk to them?” I said, “No. The Bible says you are this person’s friend, you are the one who caught them. This is what the Bible says. You’re supposed to go talk to them.” “Me? Oh my gosh.” And when they give me that attitude I like it. That’s the right attitude to have. Not “Oh, oh I’ll go tell the person! They’re only an inch from the flames of hell.” No, that is not what you do. Over the years this is what I found. If you go to people with the right attitude, they really get angry at you. This is not always the case for family members, just so you know. But when they’re a friend you go with the right attitude and they may be offended a little bit but you know, you walk away going “I did my best”.
So now let’s come to the second part of this; the second aspect. So, there is a confrontation. You said, “Yes. I’m going to go.” You go with the right attitude. You share your heart with them. You make sure they know you love them. The only reason you’re there is because you care about them. “How can I help? I just want you to restore the relationship with you and your Lord Jesus.” The second thing is their response.
2) Their Response
If your friend justifies their sin, rationalizes God’s Word, Jesus tells us in Matthew 18:16, that at that point you try to find another person who knows them and you take them with you. So, now there are two of you that are going to go and try to bring this person back. Now I got to tell you, more often than not, they won’t let you do that. I’m not going to stand here and say that it’s easy. Once they have heard what you have to say, a lot of times they are not willing to let you. But if they will, you’ve got another chance to win your brother or sister. Jesus also tells us in Matthew 18 if they continue to justify…you know, if you take someone with you and they continue to justify themselves or they don’t let you take another person, Jesus says you’re supposed to tell it to the church. Let’s read that.
But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church.
MATTHEW 18:16-17a (NASB)
Well, what does that mean? Does that mean we need to set up a microphone in here and every Sunday we have a “sin time” when you come in and talk about people’s sin? “Yes, I want to talk to John Smith and he has an improper relationship with Mary Sullivan down the street.” No! I mean, that can’t be right. That can’t be what Jesus is telling us here. Maybe if it’s a small group, I get it. But, we believe it means going to the leadership in the church. They represent us all. We’ve submitted ourselves to them. And so, you go to them and say, “Here’s the situation. It grieves me to have to tell you this but Jesus says I’m supposed to tell the church.” You tell it to them and you leave it with them. You don’t go to your home group, you don’t get on the telephone. And you don’t try to get as many people as possible praying for that sinning brother or sister; in Jesus name <laughter>. That’s just gossip. You go to the church leaders, you tell them the situation and then you commit yourself and that other person who went with you, together you agree in prayer. You’re not going to tell anybody else but you’re going to pray that something happens.
There is a second response. You go to your friend and you challenge them and they admit, “Yes. I’m doing wrong. Yes, I know it’s pulling me away from God. But I don’t know how not to do it. I just don’t know how to it. God knows my heart.” You’ll hear that, believe me. “God knows my heart. I just don’t know what to do. I just can’t help myself.” Whatever they say to you. You pray with them and then you leave and you got to try to take somebody back with you and if they let you come with another person you got another chance. And they say the same thing again. They’re not really trying to justify what they’re doing, they’re just saying, “I know what the Bible says, but…” Basically, “I’m still going to keep doing what I’ve been doing”. There again you have to tell it to the church.
Now the third response, (of course that’s what we all hope we get) is the person admits their sin, recognizes their sin, falls on their knees at the cross and asks Jesus to forgive them. Hallelujah! But caring for one another doesn’t mean you just wash your hands of them. You now have a responsibility. That Christian friend has repented of their sin and now it’s your job to come alongside of them and help them walk through that. Paul encourages us to come alongside them because with most people, there’s going to be some consequences to face. Maybe they’ve got to break a relationship off, maybe they have to…I don’t know. But they need a friend, a Christian sister or brother, to come alongside of them and walk with them. I hope you have friends like that. I hope you have a friend, a man or a woman, who loves you enough that can speak the truth into your life. Paul says that when we care about someone enough to speak the truth in love to them, we fulfill the law of Christ. What is that, the law of Christ? Love one another.
A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.
JOHN 13:34-35 (NASB)
He says, “This is how the world will know… that we really love one another.” If you have enough love for someone that you will even risk the relationship by speaking the truth, that’s love. Real love speaks the truth. I want you say that with me, “Real love speaks the truth.” And it stands with the friend who has repented.
Jesus is interested in restoring people. And Paul says he has given us the ministry of reconciliation. We’re to take the truth of this cross with us, wherever we go, each and every day. Paul says we are ambassadors of the cross. We are ambassadors of this reconciliation. First, to a hurting and dying world that Jesus is the answer, the way, the truth, the life. But secondly, to that brother or sister who has made some unwise decision and has decided to go their own way. They are sheep that have wandered away. Jesus gave us a parable. He is really concerned about that one who has wandered away.