Reflections on My Mother’s Passing
by Mark Hoffman
As many of you know, my mother passed away last Wednesday surrounded by family. It was her great wish to go be with Jesus, and while we mourn, we also rejoice with her. Death is the final victory for the Christian!
I was able to spend a lot of time with my mom in the last years of her life – especially during her final months at the full-time care facility she chose to move into. She shared a room, separated by a curtain, with a roommate named Petra, or “sweet Petra” as my mom always referred to her. Petra had suffered a severe stroke and was bedbound. She was no longer able to really speak but tried to articulate her needs through loud groans. From across the curtain my mom would read the Bible to Petra, talk to her, play hymns on the CD player, and interpret her groans to the staff. She was Petra’s friend and advocate.
Several months ago, a private room opened up. We encouraged our mother to take it for the greater privacy and comfort. She refused it, unwilling to abandon Petra.
A week ago Tuesday, early in the morning, my mom took a sudden turn for the worse, and the decision was made to move her immediately to hospice. We all met her at hospice and had a wonderful time with her. She was happy and laughing with us. She went to sleep that evening and passed away in the morning.
This past Sunday at church, Dyna, the woman who operates the care home where my mother had been staying, told me of the final minutes before my mom was taken to hospice. She was weak from a slight stroke she had suffered and was sleeping. She woke up and asked for a pencil. She wrote the words, “Tell Petra I love her.” Later she would tell us just which of her possessions she had left behind she wanted to go to “Sweet Petra.” Petra’a daughter told Dyna that one of Petra’s sons had come to Christ by witnessing the kindness of my mother to His mother.
My mother left this life the same way that she had lived it: caring for others and giving from a generous heart. She shaped and defined her life by loving others. She seldom had a negative thing to say about anyone but always found the good in each person. For several years, before she went into the care home, we had paid caregivers come in every day to assist her. Whenever she had a new one, she would introduce them to me and tell me all their wonderful qualities and why she was so lucky to have them, as they stood there beaming. She always showed them God’s love and tried to win them to Christ.
Although my mom often was in pain and housebound, it always struck me how happy and cheerful she was. She would never complain or be negative even as her physical ailments and limitations multiplied. The secret, I believe, was her generous heart. She lived to love others.
Even when she moved into the care home, anticipating the time she would go to be with Jesus, she was a servant. She did not go there to die but to serve. At first she had mixed feelings about leaving her own home, but once she decided that the new home could be her mission field, she was eager to move. She went and lifted the spirits of everyone.
The most generous-hearted people I know are also the happiest people I know. People with generous hearts know that the more they give of themselves, the fuller their heart becomes. Giving love and grace away enlarges and fills you; it does not deplete you. My mother knew this and lived it.
Mom, you touched many lives and left a wonderful legacy for all the people who knew you. Every person you touched is at least a little better off for it, your children most of all. Thank you for your love, kindness, joy, and perhaps most of all your example. We all, including "Sweet Petra," look forward to gathering together with you again!
