The Sin of Flattery
by Mike Van Meter
Some sins are more visible than others.
For instance, if you’re struggling with using filthy language all of the time, your friends and neighbors probably know about it. If you’re struggling with pride, however, they might not.
Some sins are more socially acceptable than others.
If you cheat on your spouse, even in today’s permissive environment, most people are going to look down on that. But there are other sins that we seem to think are acceptable, and we need to talk about them in order to keep us in obedience to Christ.
The one I want to focus on today is flattery.
What Is Flattery?
Oxford Dictionary says that flattery is “excessive and insincere praise, given especially to further one’s own interests.”
So to put that into the real world, here are some examples:
- Your friend constantly abuses alcohol, and he asks you if you think he has a problem. You don’t want to have an uncomfortable conversation, so you say, “No, you just like to have a good time. I know you know your own limits.”
- Your boss asks you for your honest opinion on a proposal he’s written up. You see a lot of potential issues, but you tell him how great it is and leave out the issues because you’re hoping for a promotion and want him to like you.
- You pull aside everyone at your church and tell them, “You’re the only one around here who really knows what he’s doing,” even though you don’t mean it.
Excessive, insincere praise, especially given to further your own interests.
Flattery is gross, but it can be hard to see. It can be acceptable in polite society.
What Does the Bible Say?
May the Lord cut off all flattering lips, the tongue that makes great boasts.
- Psalm 12:3
A lying tongue hates its victims, and a flattering mouth works ruin.
- Proverbs 26:28
A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet.
- Proverbs 29:5
For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naïve.
- Romans 16:18
This is a short list for the sake of time, but the Bible talks about flattery many more times. The verse that sticks out the most to me, however, is Proverbs 27:5-6.
Better is open rebuke than love that is concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.
Flattery looks at a person who’s about to walk into a pit and says, “Don’t worry, take a deep breath. There’s no pit.” It sounds reassuring for the moment, but it does a huge disservice to the person in danger. Love, on the other hand, is willing to say, “Hey, if you don’t pick a different path you’re going to hit some trouble.”
The great Bible commentator Matthew Henry, when speaking about Proverbs 27:5-6, says this: “It is good for us to be reproved, and told of our faults, by our friends… Faithful are the reproofs of a friend, though for the present they are painful as wounds… The physician’s care is to cure the patient’s disease, not to please his palate.
“It is dangerous to be caressed and flattered by an enemy, whose kisses are deceitful. We can take no pleasure in them because we can put no confidence in them (Joab’s kiss and Judas’s were deceitful), and therefore we have need to stand upon our guard, that we be not deluded by them.”
What This Does and Does Not Mean
This teaching is not a license to you to be the fault police, informing everyone at every time how they’re wrong. What it is, however, is an admonition against speaking smooth words to avoid addressing a real issue. It’s an instruction to remind us that we should be sincere and truthful, even in our praise. Otherwise, how can we ever trust it?
Can your council be trusted, or do you flatter? And are you the kind of person who can receive the wounds of a friend, who prefers them to an enemy’s kisses?
We sometimes need a word of (truthful) encouragement, and sometimes we need a word of rebuke. Let’s pray that God gives us the wisdom to know the right time for each, and the strength to resist the urge to flatter.
